Tonight

 Tonight's Introspection:

Human behavior observations. In the depths of self-esteem, confidence, composure, discipline, emotional sensitivity, and calmness. The art of seduction and human desires. Remember that in mating, women are always the ones who choose, and men, upon first meeting, just want to mate to try it and discover what is in a person. You know, the neurotransmitter patterns in men’s DNA are quite different from women’s. Men are logical, structured, and determined; they also choose if they see potential in a woman. That makes sense, right? I think I get it.

Anyway, women choose who they want to intertwine their souls with and dance through life. They nurture, give care, and love with their feelings. It’s a smart play—careful, observant, sensitive, and with all respect. It’s a game of who you let in, the push and pull energy of this game. In my case, I feel I’ve reached the point of too much giving, too much of myself. The diversity of people I’ve encountered is vast, and not everyone is the same.

Who can truly understand how I feel? It’s just me and nature. There she goes again. People wear faces, masks, and different personalities. That’s how clever this human form is. Not everything you like in a person will be yours. An act. The early 20s are an act of pretenders. I’ll just wait and see.

It’s just my feeling of longing for love when love is already there, and I didn’t notice it. I really feel bad about this human form, the way people view making love as "fun" and just engaging in sex without attachments, emotions, or a sense of respect and worth. Connections and sensitivity are lost. Victims of these situations cry in vain, longing for something real. The point is that, with humans, seduction and mating are a different story. We are not animals. We experience life in a form meant to love, not to love multiples. What I mean is you can sleep with as many people as you want, but don’t deny that, in your mind, there is only one person you feel you truly want to be with in your life.

That’s something to dive deep into. In my case, it was like ecstasy, like a drug I wanted to repeat because the feeling was addicting—"the feeling" of being in love, "euphoria," "pleasure." That’s why you repeatedly long to experience it again. I guess my lesson here is that I gave my all, reached my peak, got tired of it, and now I can sense that everything has become so plain.

Sex
The so-called spiritual tribe refers to it as "Sacred Sexual Exchange," but it’s all sugarcoating—it’s still just sex. I think I’m starting to feel disgusted just thinking about it. I appreciate this brokenness and depression because I’m beginning to think more logically. My experiences have led me to a sense of calmness, as these emotional desires come to the surface through meditation. It’s like letting the dragon inside of me out and not suppressing it—just letting it go. I’ve learned a lot, especially now that I know. The unbearable lightness of being is gone. The innocence is gone. Unconscious desires make us weak and strike us with voids, forcing us to renew ourselves again. I’m beginning to feel that I’m just plain and modest, but still a little cool. And I won’t give away my peace again. It’s called taking care of my being.

Finally, I’ve reached this pace, and I feel differently. I’m not begging for attention or anything—just being. Being me, being you, and that’s it. The imposter syndrome has faded. Thank you for the experience. Just be yourself. I know deep inside that I’m cool, and I’m good with myself.

Jealousy
So, I had this thought that I needed to write down. All the lower frequencies make you feel down because they’re negative emotions. I’m feeling it right now but doing nothing about it. I feel fine. If I want to feel it, then I’ll feel negative too. If I put too much attention to it, I get sucked in. Always be clear about what you engage with. What you let in will eat you up. Especially the feeling of being in love—a deep appreciation that’s out of control. It’s a trap. I’m thankful I grew up avoidant and caring less. People, both conscious and unconscious, are possessive, especially when they love something or value something that isn’t even real, but rather an illusion of the ego. It’s the game of "mine, mine, mine." I recognize that, and it’s a heavy game to play. I’d rather stay cool, observing, listening, and just being.

Authentic feelings are about what I like and dislike, knowing that each person you meet in life has their own masks and personalities to hide behind. You can only meet a few who are genuine and true to themselves because that’s just who they are. So, for me, I just want to say and remember that I won’t be tricked again: "I’m not special," "I’m nobody." Nothing is special about me. I’m just a simple girl, a woman, a mother, roaming around this earth to experience human life. I don’t think an egoic relationship will work for me. It’s a huge argument, so I protect my peace.

I’m right here, right now, but I’m not putting too much energy into the people around me. Just observing and analyzing where they’re coming from. That’s the right thing to do anyway. It’s so funny looking back at my life, laughing at the past. I’m just going to laugh at life, in all seriousness.

Badass soul, polarizing itself to elevate densities. And as for the affairs—And That’s It! Pansit :)

I’m free, with my will, with me. :P

 

(If there is a wrong grammar in my writing it is that, I don't edit it much---lazy writer. it's all just expressions--- and That's it!)