Turn over a new leaf

Dialogue: A Spontaneous Deconstruction of Thoughts. Just me, "Zade," expressing myself.

How do humans shape personalities using models of behavioral psychology? As I delve into psychology, I find myself questioning my entire existence—my Why’s, How’s, and If’s. The logical, analytical side of the brain is precise and contextual, while the right hemisphere is creative, filled with wit and spark. How did I come to the point where I question myself? It all began with one person who challenged my choices in life. Introspectively, I’m on a journey to process the stages of grief in my life. What are these issues? We can’t just brush off the recurring challenges within ourselves. This is the journey of full acceptance—accepting who we are in this form and who we are in the eyes of existence. It’s about knowing our highest potential and capabilities, not getting stuck in the static, cynical, and repetitive cycle of birth and death.

This particular person shook my ego and reminded me of my true identity. In the past few years, I was lost in the dark, unsure of how to face my personal "dragons." I was trying to remember who I truly am and break free from the cages of idealism that I had built. Hiding behind a smiling, happy face, I was torn inside. I built walls and was scared to feel what my heart wanted to express with authenticity. Am I a great pretender, brushing off my true emotions to evoke empathy from others? Or am I blocking my feelings because of some subliminal, concealed "hate" within me, which is actually a call for love? Could it be the unmet needs of my younger self?

What is hate? By definition, it is a strong feeling of intense dislike or aversion towards oneself, someone, or something. It involves negative emotions such as anger, fear, or disgust, and can be directed at individuals, groups, ideas, or things. Hate can lead to harmful actions, prejudice, and discrimination. It is a complex emotion that can arise from various factors, including personal experiences, cultural influences, or misunderstandings. Hate often contrasts with love or compassion, which are rooted in "acceptance," understanding, and empathy.

What is the opposite of hate? By its collective definition, love is the opposite of hate. Love is marked by deep affection, care, understanding, and positive regard for someone or something. Love fosters connection, compassion, and empathy, while hate often leads to division and conflict.

Separation and conflict stem from fear. All negative emotions are rooted in fear. Fear of what? Of love. What causes this fear? Brokenness. It shatters the innocence within us. The scarcity of unmet expectations and idealism. The casualty of personality dynamics, emotional states, experiences, and environment. All of these factors contribute to mental captivation—a cause-and-effect cycle of physiology, biology, and psychology, all shaped by our belief systems. Both positive and negative reinforcement, along with punishment, shape our personas. Our personas are like masks we wear to project ourselves outwardly—like actors in a play, selecting roles we engage with. All of it is valid.

This emotional state of aggression blocks us from fully loving. Yet, each individual has their own choice and openness to unlock love again, despite frustration, perceived "injustice," fear or insecurity, hurt or pain, unresolved emotions, stress, being overwhelmed, miscommunication, and misunderstanding. Overall, anger is a natural emotional response to situations. How we manage and express it reflects our state of being. Either we have the willingness to see things differently, or we stay stuck in a loop of brokenness, melancholia, and bittersweetness. That’s dense. My heart screams to see the light. I’ve reached my peak—I no longer want to stay in the same place, repeating the same cycle. Whether positive or negative, I want to live in ease, peace, joy, and glory. That’s how I live: in the flow of life’s unfolding goodness. I might face my dark dragons, but I allow them to be. I embrace them, hug them, and most of all, I will love them in my arms.

I accept you, my younger self, with all your crazy teenage antics, shameful acts, guilt, and quirky, goofy personality. You are a part of me, and I welcome you through the door of acceptance.

It could have been better, what happened in my past, but that doesn’t define me or affect me now. It’s merely a reference to create a better present. So, I end this with a quote:

“You can't hate without loving what is unmet. For all the pain you experience in life, it awaits your love.”

"Mahal Kita." and I felt no fear in finding strength to love.